THE VEGAN AWAKENS
by alarii
Summary: After the events in TFA, Kylo comes to the realization that he is a True Vegan. He will attempt converting the First Order staff into vegans, his end goal being a cruelty-free galaxy. Join Kylo in his animal-product-free adventure!
1. Chapter 1 - VEGAN FOR LYFE

Kylo Ren landed in the new First Order base in his blakc command shuttle. The stormtroopers near bye came to apprehension and stood straight. Kylo walked out of the shuttle, his shining helmet governing in the light. The stormtroopers looked confused at him, because he was wearing differnt clothes?

Kyle Ren was wearing a shirt on it that said "Meat is Murder" on it, and tight jeans that had prints of tomatoes in them. When Kyro took of his helmet, the stromtroopers saw that he looked a lot healthier, with rosy cheeks (he still had a scar tho).

"Kylo why do you look so different?" The troopers consoled him.

"Im converted to a diet," Kylp respolded proudly.

"What diet?" The troopers were very curiosity.

" _VEGAN_ ," Kylo roared, and the troopers withered back fearly. "I don't eat food that comes from animals, because that's _stealing,_ " Kylo hissed. "Also it's murder if its meat." Kylo looked at the stormtroopers thinkingly and said "You should also be vegan, its really good."

"ok," the troopers said, but they actually weren't going to be vegn.

"I have to go bye," Kylo repulsed, and walked to Supreme Leader Snokee's secret chamber.

"Kylro Ren," the discussing man said. "You look,,, different'

"I'm vegan now," Kylo expressed. "When i was on the journey of self-discovering, i realized that veganism is the best way to live, it is healthy, also you spare animals from being killed"

"But Kylo," Snoke impored, "You kill hundreds of people all the time,"

"THIS IS DIFFERENT," Kyle steamed. "YOU'RE JUST ANOTHER FILTHY MEAT EATER." and with that Kylo strummed out of the room with anger burning in his (vegan) soul.

* * *

Kylo flew onto his bed with a fury, his rosy cheeks now bright red with anger.

"I hate Snoke," Kylo yeilded. And then he realized something imploringly!

"I need to convert the First Order to veganism," he screeched. This was Kylo's calling from above (or the force i guess). He needed to transfer his beliefs to his colleagues, and then his purpose in life would be fulfilled.

"I will convert them all," Kylo rumbled to Darth Fader's mask.

Kylo would begin his quest tomorrow, to convert the dairy and meat eating sinners to the justice.


	2. Chapter 2 - THE DECIEVING

Kylo Ren woke up the next morning with defecation running through his veins.

"I'm ready to start converging my friends to veganism," he shuttered.

Kylo ran to the cafeteria where there was Generally Hux and Cap'n Fasma.

"HEY PALS," Kylo ejeculated.

"Shut up Kyle, and why are you wearing those stupid cloths." Hux impored.

"I'm vegan, and soon you will be too. I'm going to convince you of the powers of being a vegan." Kylo deducted confidencely.

"Yeah right," Fasma rolled her eyes and bit into a large CHICKEN WING?

"Gasp!" Kylo gasped. "You're eating…. Meat?!" He was disgusted and chocked by Fasma's evil actions.

"Look at this, Kylo," Hux snorted and started eating- SCRAMBLED EGGS!

"Double gasp," Kylo gasped. "This is horrible, i need to redeem you from your sins immediatley!"

Kylo graspd the food from his friends and threw it on the floor, and looked at them with furry burning in his eyes.

"Eating animal products is so bad, and eating them is ignorance," Kyle growled sensually.

"Okay," Hux and Fasma said, but they were not seriously.

"Im glad that we agree now," Kylo grimed, and he left feeling satified.

"What a loser," Fasma and Hux agreed. They got on theyre knees and started to lick the food off the ground, like the gross non-vegans they were. Kyle was secretley looking from a spy hole and glowered at the two sinners.

Kylo thought he had converted them, but not really. He would need to try something else. Something… More drastic.


	3. Chapter 3 - SNOKE IS EVIL

The next morning, Cap'n Fasma and Generally Hux walked into the cafeteria and got their food. They sat down at a table and started eating greedily, shoving the meals down their throats dramatically.

There was 'mystery meat' that morning and Fasma thought it tasted kinda weird.

"Hey Hux doesn't this meat seem…. a bit odd to you." She questionad.

"Yes" he reapplied.

The two started to threw up the meat and choking on it. It tasted like rotten corpses.

THEN! Kyle Ren walked in!

"IT TASTED WEIRD BECUZ IT IS YOUR FAMILIES," he bursted.

"Ewww wtf.," Fasma snapd. "That's messed up."

"But if it was an animal, you wouldn't care right" Kylo responded patronizing.

"I guess not," Hux iced back.

"See your logics are twisted," Kylo said with dissapoint.

"Okay we will be vegans," Kyle's friends respond.

"Yipeeeee!" Kylo hit the whip, and then he remembered that dance move didn't exist in his galaxy, so he stopped.

"Let's start converting the rest of the staff to veganism," Kylo said snakily with a defective grin.

"Ok." Kylo's friends agreed.

And then they starting baking a plan to rid the First Order of animal-product eating monsters!1

* * *

The Next day the technicians and stormtroopers walked into the cafeteria and saw something very strange. There were posters all over the walls. One said "Eat beans, not beings," one said "animals are friends, not food," and one said "I think, therefore I am vegan." There were lots more too.

"What is this," a staff member complained. "And why is there no eggs or meat."

"I see you are admiring our new changes," Kyle Ren said sexily. "We are all now vegans, so we will surely beat the evil Resistance."

"Okay," They said.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL," suddenly roared a long voice.

Kyle and his friends turned around to see-!

Supreme Leader Smoke!

"THE STAFF NEED ANIMAL PRODUCTS TO WORK HARD," Snoke was really angrily speaking.

"But Snoke this is better for our galaxy and health!" Kylo ejaculated.

"NO!" Snoke strode to the posters and ripped them off! He also ordered the cooks to bring back the animal products, and then he left giving Kylo an evil look.

"What a conformist, unhealthy monster," Kylo cried angrily, beans squeezing out of his tear ducts (he cried vegetables like a true vegan).

"There is still hope, Kylo," Hux reassured him. "We will be victory in the end, like in the French Revolution. Power to the people! Viva la vegan!"

"What the fuck is a French Revolution," Kylo whimpered.

"I have no idea," Hux shrugged and pulled Kylo to his feet.

"Okay let's make some plans to convert Snoke to veganism!" Fasma pumped her fist in the air with confidentiality.


	4. Chapter 4 - DEATH

"I don't think we can convert Snoke to veganism," Kylo said, all depressed. "I think he's too corrupted to see the true powers of a vegan."

"I think there might be hope, but if you say so, Kyle," Fasma said.

" **WE MUST KILL THE OPPRESSOR,"** Hux screeched. **"BURN THE NON BELIEVER!"**

"Haha, you're really enthusiastic about this, Hux." Kylo simpered nervously.

"Yeah Snoke is a bitch. He never gives me respect," Hux whined.

"Okay how are we going to kill him though," Kylo asked.

"Poison will be the easiest option," Fasma croaked wisely.

"Okay let's poison him," Kylo confirmed evilly.

* * *

Smoke was sitting in his chamber when a stormtrooper knocked on the door.

"Come in," Snoke said airily.

"Hello leader, this is your dinner." The stormtrooper had a giant plate of steamy, sensual medium-rare meat.

"Wow that looks hot," Snoke grinned grossly and snatched the food.

"Wait a second…" Smoke looked closely at the plate, and saw… pills in the meat!

"What the fuck is this," he said all suspicious-like.

"Those are vitamin pills my friend," the stormtrooper said wisely.

"But they have skulls on them." Snoke was still hesitantly.

"That's because they improve your brain power." The stormtrooper said stealthily (the stormtrooper was actually Kyle Ren in disguise).

"Oh okay." Snoke ate the meat and died.

"Hahahahaha," Kylo cackled viciously and teabagged Smoke's corpse.

* * *

"Why are we out here," the First Order staff complained. The whole staff (hundreds of thousands of people) had been summoned to the training grounds outside. Kylo Ren, Generally Hux, and Cap'n Fasma walked onto the stage used for speeches and Kylo took up the mic.

"Hello everyone. Sorry to call you out here on such short notices! but! I have something very important to annouce..," The staff looked at each other in confusing. Kylo started speaking:

"My dear friends, my comrades, my loyal associates. Due to unknown causes, our great leader, the Supreme Leader Snoke, has very unfortunately passed away." Kylo chuckled to himself because he had been the one who had killed Smoke! And nobody even suspected it was him.

"Despite this great loss, the First Order will soon experience a power that far surpasses anything Snoke could even hope to provide. Though I do this with much reluctance, and sorrow weighing down my heart... I will be taking over the First Order as of now." Kyle shoock his head all sad, but he was just acting. "Even though I may never be as powerful with the Force as our previous leader, the First Order will rise under my rule. I have something great, something tremendous, something that will lead us to the ultimate victory... And no, I'm not talking about my dick." Everyone screamed with lafter, and Kyle grinned sneakily. "No, my friends, I am talking about my complete dedication to veganism." Everyone gasped. "Veganism is the ultimate power source in this galaxy, and I will use veganism to rule all of the systems in harmony!" Kylo raised a fist passionately. **_"To glory! To domination! To veganism!"_** Kylo roared. The First Order staff clapped excitedly, and Kyle felt satisfied becuz he knew that the Resistance would be finally crush!


	5. Chapter 5 - FIGHT TO THE DEATH

"Wait a second," Hux slammed. Hux, Fasma and Kylo Ren were all in the cafeteria.

"What," Kyle asked.

"Why do you get to be the leader? I'm the man of highest power here! This is blasphemius."

"Remember im the one who converted you to veganism though," Kyle said wisely.

"Oh yeah okay. Can I be second in command then." Hux said slimily.

"That's not fare," Fasma screamed!

"Now now, my children, settle down." Kylo said condolingly.

"What the fuck KYlo we are both like ten years older than you" Hux responded.

"Whatever. Anyways you two are going to fight to the death to decide who gets to be second in command." Kylo gurgled.

"Haha okay," Hux and Fasma said. They both thought they were going to win.

* * *

"Okay start fighting," Kylo commanded. Hux and Fasma were in the fighting arena and ready to kick some ass (not like donkeys though because animal abuse is bad!).

Hux made the first move and attacked Fasma with a giant celery. Fasma booked his strike with a Z6 riot control baton (like FN-2199) and knocked Hux out. He came to a few seconds later and yelled angrily.

"What the fuck why would you do that."

"Umm Hux this is a fight to the death remember. Also how did you think using a celery as a weapon was a good idea."

" **KYLO SAID THAT VEGANISM WAS THE ULTIMATE POWER,"** Hux shrieked.

"Yeah I did but since when did that mean using vegetables as weapons." Kyle smirked.

"I HATE YOU GUYS," Hux sobbed. "I DON'T EVEN CARE IF I'M JUST THIRD IN COMMAND, I GIVE UP."

"Yippee I'm the winner!" Fasma grimed happily.

"Good job Fasma, or should I say Commander Fasma." Kylo clapped proudly, and Hux glared at both of them.

* * *

Later Hux wasn't angry anymore because he ate some delicious salted tofu and was feeling the power of veganism.

Fasma, Kylo and Hux were in the battle room making plans to convert nearby systems to veganisms, when suddenly someone BRUST into the room! It was a stormtrooper!

"Hello I have news!" He shouted! "The Resistance has declared itself anti-vegan, and is dedicated to spreading the practice of eating meat and animal products!"

"GASP!" said Hux, Kyle and Fasma.

"We have to stop them," Kylo said, determination running through his vegan veins.

"Yes" agreed everyone.

So they started making plans to attack the Resistance!


	6. Chapter 6 - BEST FRNDS

The next day Kyle Ren, Fasma and Hux were arguin about battle plans when suddenly another stormtrooper came into the room exitidly!

"Guys something bad happened!" he said.

"Ok spit it out" Kylo reapplied, all condoling.

"One of our smaller bases was blown up by Rey, the girl whos training to be a jedi and anti-vegan!"

"Oh. Can't you just kill her or something," said Kyle really annoyed.

"You shouldn't kill her, she could be useful." Hux narrowing his eye sockets.

"How the fuck could she be useful, she blows up our stuff and is anti-vegan!" Kylo was feeling very passionately.

"Convert her to veganism, and she could be trained to be a powerful ally." Fasma agreed with Hux.

"Okay but if she annoys me even once im going to kill her," Kylo simpered.

"Fair anough." they all agreed.

* * *

Rey was at a different First Order base to blow it up when suddenly! A Blck command shuttle appear!

Kylo Ren came out, and Rey noticed that his clothes were really weird, with vegetables and slogans all over them.

"Kyle Ren…." She hissed, loocking him with an intensify gaze.

"Convert to veganism, its good for you." Kylo blurted wisely.

"NO. MEAT FOR LIFE." Rey shouted passionately.

Kylo Ren moved in closer, and disarmed her with the Force. He grabbed her wrists roughly, and pinned her against the wall.

"I see I may need to try… A different kind of persuasion," Kylo growled sadistically. Rey gasped and gave him a look filled with trepidation, but surprisingly laced with raw desire.

Kylo leaned in close, his hot breath tickling her ear.

 **"Did you know… That vegans poop at least three times a day!?"** He screeched.

"Okay I'm convinced," Rey agree. "I'm now a believer in veganism!"

"Yippee," Kylo squealed.

The Kyle Ren and his new best friend Rey hoped into the blakc command shuttle and went back to base!


	7. Chapter 7 - SNOKE AND MIRRORS

Kylo Ren and his besties (Rey, Fasma and Hux) were walkin to the cafeteria together when they saw there was a huge crowd infront of the cafeteria?!

"What's the meaning of this" said KYlo, all intimidate.

"Omg its so horrible!1" screamed a staff member. "Come look!" So Kyle and his frends went to see what was going on.

It was a blasphemius sight! Because the vegan posters were ripped down and instead there was posters like "Meat is murder… TASTY MURDER!" and "EGGS ARE ECSTASY" and "I'm Like The Opposite Of a Vampire Because I Love Steak… Haha Get It? Like Stake?"

"GASPPPP!" gaspd Kylo Ren. "This is horribleness!" He started crying beans because it was so sad! Why would anybody do somethin like this?

Kyrlo commanded for people to remove the anti-vegan posters and put the right ones back up.

"We'll catch who did this terribleness crime" spitted Fasma.

"Ye" agree Rey.

So Kylo and his besties started hatcheting a plan to find and punish the evil person who did this!

* * *

Kylo was dusting the floor for fingerprint but couldn't find any. He was getting really frustrated when suddenly he saw something! There was a trail of pork chops on the ground that led out of the cafeteria and down the hall.

"Guys follow that pork!" Kylo screeched.

They followed the pork chops and saw that they led under a door. Kyle opened the door quick and saw…

Supreme LEader Smoke?!

"Wtf!" said Fasma!

"Haha you thought I was dead! But I just faked it you stupid idiots!" Cackled Snoke.

"Wait so when I teabagged you, you were not really dead!" Kylo was horrify!

"Yeah that wasn't one of my best moments okay" Snoke said all offended. "Anyways prepare to die and stuff." Snoke raised his hand and started chokin Kylo! But then…

Rey killed Smoke with veganism! She turned his blood cells into carrots and he imploded because there was too many carrots in his veins!

Everyone applauded Rey because she was a True Vegan!

* * *

Later that day the First Order staff ate a special carrot stew (of 'unknown' origin) for dinner and it was really delisciousness! Kylo Ren, Fasma, Hux and Rey had a special vegan group hug and it was really cool! They defeated an enemy with the power of veganism!


	8. Chapter 8 - THE RITUAL

So this guy called Chris is flaming!

 **Ejaculate (** _ **verb)**_ **:** **say something quickly and suddenly.**

(ok so shut up Chris i can spell perfect and I know grammars so dont flam)

(Also Kylo is the same person as Kyle sometimes I mix the names up! Im only human dont flame!)

* * *

The next mornin Kylo Ren woke up and went to the cafeteria but only Hux, Fasma an Rey were there.

"Where is all the staff," he questioned?

"Well most of them are dying" Fasma sighed in exasperating.

"WHAT" Screamed Kyle!

"Oh yeah theres like this plague going around, because the carrots they ate yesterday were tainted. So they're all dying." Fasma said all sad.

"Why didn't anybody tell me," Kyle stormed. "Whatever, it doesn't matter now. What are we gonna do guys!?"

 **" _Burn them all,"_** Hux hissed.

"Wtf no Hux!" Said Fasma. "We should cure them or somethin."

"Okay great idea Fasma! We'll cure them with the power of veganism!" Yelped Kyrlo.

"But how" asked Rey, all skeptical.

"I know how guys, just follow my lead" said Hux.

"Okay!" they all said, And followed Hux out of the room.

* * *

So they were all in a large room and all the lights were out, except for candles in a circle in the center of a room. As Hux's friends watched, he carried an armful of vegetables into the middle of the candles and put them on the ground?!

"Hux dont waste food," Kylro said all chiding.

"Just wait a second okay" said Hux really irritable.

Hux took out a knife and cut his hand!? Then he put the blood on the vegetables!

"Okay now everyone do the same." Hux gave the knife to Rey and she put her blood on the vegetables, then Fasma did it, then Kylo. At first nothing happened but Hux said to wait.

Suddenly there was a large explosion and the vegetables disappeared! And then in the center of the candles, there was… **a ghost?!**

(2 b continue)


	9. Chapter 9 - JEALOUSY

"Hey guys" said the ghost. "Whats poppin?"

"OMG IT'S A GHOST!" Screamed Rey!

" _Rude,"_ said the ghost, all offended.

"Oh sorry" said Rey with bashfulness. "What are you doing here?"

"You guys summoned me to do your bidding, right? I'm the ghost of vegan past." The ghost had dreadlocks and a tie-dye shirt on.

"Wow, it's the all-powerful vegan of all time!" squealed Kylro Ren, fangirling hard.

"Ye we summoned you," Hux said to the ghost. "Cure our employees of the plague please."

"Ok sure thing." So the ghost cured the First Order staff and disappeared in a flash before Kylo could ask for an autograph.

"Aw shucks!" Screamed Kyle, disappoint. "Anyways Hux how did you know how to summon that ghost," Kyle questioned.

"I'm really strong in veganism" Hux bragged, all proud.

"Wow Hux you're so cool!" Said Fasma and Rey. Kylo was really jealous! Hux was getting all the attention!

"Hey guys I'm cooler though, right" Spat Kylo.

"Ehhhhh I don't know" said Fasma and Rey. Kyle was so mad!

"I'll show you, Hux!" Screamed Kylo in a fit, then he ran out of the room with beans falling from his eyes.

* * *

That night Kylo sat at another table than his friends and ate his vegetables all depressed! Hux, Fasma and Rey looked like they were having so much fun without him!

"THIS SUCKS" Kylo expelled. Just as he said this there was an explosion?!

There was a hole in the wall and enemies came in… It was the Resistance!

"Help me guys," screamed Rey because the enemies were firing at her!

"You're a traitor who must die," roared one of the attackers.

Kylro ran towards the enemies and hit them backwards with giant tomatoes, saving Rey! The Resistance fighters ran away because they were cowards, and Kylo picked up Rey to safety.

"Wow you're really cool" everyone said and Kyle blushd with appreciate.

"I guess we're equal," Hux said to Kylo with a slimy grin.

"Ya," Kyle agreed, and then he gave Hux a super cool vegan high-five.

Veganism saved the day once again!


	10. Chapter 10 - BIRTHDAY AND STRIPPING

Author's note: Sory for not updatin but Ive been busy with life lmao. Plz enjoy this longer update, with hotttt stuff at the end. This is my first time writing something smutty so plz be gentle with reviews ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

* * *

So Kylo Ren woke up the next morning and grimed happily because it was a very special day! Kyle gave his Darth Vader body pillow a smexy kiss and threw on his vegetable-print robes really enthusiastical.

"Hey guys, guess wht day it is." Said Kylo to his friends at the cafeteria.

"Hmmmm we have no idea" they all said.

Then Kyle started cryin beans because they forgot the most important day of the year?!

"Haha just kidding Kylro we know it's your birthday" Laffed Kylo's friends.

"Ye I'm finally turning 32!" Kyle said, all proud.

"Wait what, I thought you were like twelve or something," Fasma said all confused?

 _"WHAT"_ screeched Kylo. "I'M A GROWN UP WTF FAMSA."

"Um nevermind," Famsa said, really confuse. "So are you having a party."

"Of course, and you guys are invited" Kylo said, very generosity.

"Wow that's so wizard Kyle" said Rey.

"Wow Rey you must really like Darth Vader if you know the phrase 'wizard'!" Kylro was much impress.

"Haha yeah I totally love malicious dictators who kill everyone who gets in their way and blows up planets full of people and cuts off their kid's hands" Rey chucked.

"Haha yeah totally that's **sO WIZARD REY** " Kylro hollered."Anyways the party is tonight, bring me presents or I'll cry haha." Then Kyle ran away really fast, singing the imperial march mixed with the birthday song under his breath.

"Shit guys I totally forgot it was his birthday, I didn't get him a present yet." Said Hux.

"Oops same here," said Fasma and Rey. "We just guessed that it was his birthday and got lucky."

"Wow, we're shitty friends," Hux reflected.

"Haha yeah lmao" everyone laffed.

"Let's go to the Jar Jar Shopping Mall to buy gifts. It's on the planet LaziNaym." Suggest Rey.

"Okay what system is that?" Ask Hux. "I can fly our secret base there really fast before the party!"

"It's the Soy system, I think."

"Okiee!" Said Hux and he went to direct the base in the right direction!

* * *

So everyone was at the mall except Kylro because he couldn't find out that his friends had forgotten to buy him gifts!

"This is pretty cute," Fasma mused as she held up sexy Darth Vader inspired lingerie.

"But that's for girls," Hux snaped.

"Haha do you really think Kylro will notice" Laugh Fasma.

"True," Hux snorted all amused.

"Hey guys do you think Kyle will like this?" Rey was holding a poster that had a tomato on it, except it looked like the Death Star.

"Ya thats cool" agree Hux and Fasma.

"Well okay, then Hux you need to get something for Kyle, and then we can go." Said Rey.

"My friendship is a good enough gift, he shouldn't be greedy" Hux said all meanly.

So then the friends got back on the base and then it was time for Kyle's birthday!

There was a huge carrot cake, with candles on top that were made out of dead Resistance fighters' body fat and hair (It was still vegan though because humans are not animal)

Fasma and Rey gave their gifts to Kylro, and he liked the poster, but was confuse by Fasma's gift.

"Um this is nice Fasma, but it's for girls?" Kylro was too manly for GIRL lingerie! "I only wear men's lingerie." Kyle raze an eyebrow at Fasma. "Also Hux why didn't you get me a gift? That's really rude you know."

Hux felt really guilty and hung himself (oops I mean hung his head).

"Oh I know Hux, put on this lingerie and poledance to the imperial march in front of the entire galaxy and I'll forgive you" Kylro said all evilly.

"But Kyle, that lingerie is for GIRLS," Hux complained.

"DO IT," Kyle hissed, evil stirring in his vegan eyes!

"Okay fine sheesh dont be a jerk-face" Hux simpered.

Then Hux put on the lingerie and did poledancing to the Imperial March in front of the whole galaxy! It was so hott! People threw lots of money at Hux, and he was given the stripper name _'Vegan Vixen'_!

"Haha now you can fund the First Order with your stripping," Kylro chucked.

"Yeah I guess so!" Said Hux, all proud.

And it was the best birthday ever the end! (see u next chapter)


End file.
